Grace Notes

Zoey’s has the best pizza in town! And it happens to be right next to the Bright Lights office. Whenever I want to explain where our office is to anyone in the area, I just say, “It’s right next to Zoey’s Pizza,” because everyone knows where that is! The owner of Zoey’s is a man named Denny, whom I would see occasionally in the parking lot or on the sidewalk.  We would greet each other and talk briefly but only on an acquaintance basis. One day when we were both outside, we began discussing our mutual building needs. Then he asked me an interesting question: “In your bookstore, do you have a book on how to read the Bible?” (At our office we also have a small Christian bookstore called Noah’s Archive Christian Books.) “Yes, I’m sure we do,” I replied. “You should stop in sometime.” Denny said he would, but several weeks went by, and he never came in. Then one day I saw him in the back parking lot and thought, This is my chance. “Hey, Denny, how ya doin’?” I said. “Remember a couple weeks ago you were looking for a book on how to read the Bible?” “Yeah, do you have one?” he responded with some enthusiasm in his voice. “Yes, it’s called the Bible!” I said. He laughed. Then I asked, “How would you like to meet for coffee for a couple of weeks and we can read a little together, and I’ll get you started?” Later, he told me that he was nervous and wanted to say no. But what came out of his mouth was: “Sure, I can do that.” We met at Noah’s Archive a day or two later. I asked how much of the Bible he knew. He said he knew nothing. That first morning we read John 1:1-14. We simply read the passage, and I explained anything I thought he wouldn’t understand. For example, who is the Word in verse 1?  Who is John in verse 6?  What does it mean to become a son of God in verse 12? What does it mean that the Word became flesh in verse 14? I didn’t preach to him. I let the book of John do the teaching. Denny was fascinated. He came every week. He started reading Genesis on his own with the goal of reading through the whole Bible cover to cover. After about six months I asked what he thought about it all. He was enjoying all he was learning, but he said he didn’t want to commit to being a Christian. “If I become a Christian, I don’t want to be a hypocritical one, I want to be a real one,” he said. A few more months went by, and we continued to read together each week. Then one morning he said to me, “I need to get saved!”  So we talked through the gospel again and he prayed for forgiveness and eternal life. Praise the Lord! It wasn’t long before Denny had finished reading the whole Bible. We’re still reading together, and he has become a great friend of our family.  (See our picture below). God’s Word is powerful. It changes lives. When you read the Bible with someone, the Bible does the preaching. The Bible leads people to salvation. In fact, I believe that home Bible studies are the most effective form of evangelism. And though all of the Bible is important and powerful, I personally like to start in the Gospel of John. It introduces people quickly to the person of Christ—His identity, and His work. Also, it requires bringing some Old Testament passages into the study in order to explain some of the content in John, and this helps the new reader see how the whole Bible is woven together. By reading the Bible together the new reader begins to see that it truly is the Word of God. I interviewed Denny during a sermon I gave last year. If you would like to hear his version of this story, you can watch it here. I encourage you to pray that the Lord would bring someone into your path whom you could read the gospel of John with. And when the opportunity arises, be bold and ask them!

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What do you want more than anything else in the world? A young girl named Caitlin Clark, in Des Moines, Iowa, had a dream. She wanted to be a star basketball player. She practiced and practiced and practiced. Eventually, she came to the University of Iowa to play for the Hawkeyes where my brother, Stephen, is a photographer. Soon Caitlin was the top player for the Hawkeyes, and they started winning lots of games. Then she started breaking records … and more records. Caitlin became one of the most popular players in all the sports world. All of her games were sold out. Even now that she has graduated and is playing professionally, her games continue to be packed out. Stephen enjoyed covering Caitlin during her four years at the University of Iowa. He was able to get us free tickets, and Andrew and I went to several of her games. It’s really fun to watch her play. She electrifies the crowd. Thousands of young girls have become excited about basketball. They line up for her autograph and hold up signs saying, “I want to be like Caitlin!”

Basketball is fun. You can also learn much character and endurance from sports. You learn to work hard and be self-disciplined. The Bible says something similar in 1 Timothy 4:8. It says, “For physical training is of some value … ” But now read the rest of the verse: “ … but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” In other words, there is nothing wrong with sports, but there is something far more important. Sports only benefit you in this life, but godliness will benefit you for eternity. As I was at one of the games watching all those little girls with their signs, I was thinking, “Wouldn’t it be amazing to have that many girls more excited about following the Lord than about basketball?” What if all those young girls had signs, “I want to be like Jesus!”? Think of what God could do through a generation of young women with that kind of excitement about seeking Christ! That’s what I’m praying for the upcoming Seeking Christ conference. I’m praying that hundreds of girls gain an electrifying passion to pursue Jesus. Again, I ask, “What do you want more than anything else in the world?” It’s a very important question because what our heart most deeply desires is what we will spend our life seeking after. May it be our all-consuming passion to know Christ more. May we each be like the apostle Paul who said, “Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord” (Phil. 3:8). (Photo credits: Stephen Mally) This article was written in our newsletter.  You can sign up for the monthly newsletters here

“I think someone is at the door,” Nickie said. The door was locked because our bookstore wasn’t open, but I ran and opened it for the man standing there. I invited him in and he began looking around. He was middle-aged, and said his name was Tim. Then two young guys, who were friends of Tim, also knocked on the door. When I realized they went to a nearby high school, this immediately grabbed my attention. “Are you guys Christians?” I asked. “Yes,” they both replied enthusiastically. “Are there other Christians at your school?” “Yes.” “We’ve been wanting to start a group for guys,” Tim inserted, “but I’m new at this, I’m still learning myself, so I know I’m not the one to lead it.” “Well,” I said, “I’ve actually been praying about starting a Bible study for high school guys. But the problem is I don’t know any guys to invite.” “Oh, we can invite the guys if you can lead the study!” they said. “And I’ll provide pizza,” I replied. With excitement Tim asked, “So you’re saying that you’ve been praying about starting a Bible study with high school guys, and we just ‘happened’ to walk in the door wanting to start a group for high school guys? This is crazy!” The truth is I had been praying specifically about this since last summer—praying in particular about high school guys. They are young and have a lot to learn, and nothing is more interesting than the Word of God. My idea was to have a Bible study each week after school here at Noah’s Archive (the Bright Lights office bookstore) and also provide pizza. But I didn’t have the time or contacts to make it happen. So I just prayed. I wasn’t sure it was a prayer God would answer. I am behind on everything else God has given me to do, so why would He give me more?  But I prayed anyway because our world needs strong, godly men. And now here were three guys who randomly walked in our bookstore wanting to start a Bible study for high school guys!  Tim was so excited about what God was doing that tears were streaming down his face.  We all instantly understood that God had just miraculously arranged what we were all independently praying for. “Let’s all keep praying about it and see what God does!” I said. What God has done has been truly awesome. We’ve been meeting on Monday nights, and we call our group “Just Men.” The guys specified that it should be short and sweet, only one hour from 6:00 to 7:00. They also specified that after we read the Bible, they wanted to discuss other “guy things” like dating. The first week we had five guys and me and Tim. The group has been growing and now (seven weeks later), if everyone came, we would have 20 guys and eat seven pizzas. 🙂 Some are believers and some are not. We have finished 2 Timothy, and now we’re in John chapter 3. We’ve had great discussions about dating, lust, anger, repentance, and forgiveness. They decided that an hour wasn’t enough and asked if we could go until 7:30. I am very encouraged by the spiritual interest and hunger of these young men! They say that Monday is their favorite night of the week. I don’t know what God is going to do with this group or where it is leading, but all the guys are excited about it and want to make it grow. They are a zealous bunch of Just Men.

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Recently, we received a question from a mother who has a strained relationship with her adult children. She asked: “Any thoughts on how to build bridges, when older children really don’t want to have anything to do with us?”

We have received similar questions from other families over the years. We thought we’d share our thoughts for this mom as our newsletter article this month because we believe there are certain parenting mistakes that can be avoided, making estranged children much less likely.

Rebuilding relationships takes much prayer and humility. Often bitterness has taken root, and only the Lord can bring healing. We would encourage parents to humbly seek the Lord and ask Him to show them any specific ways they have hurt or failed their children, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

• We would suggest that parents prayerfully make a list of every offense they can remember – everything they did wrong and each specific event or situation. It could be times they were too harsh, punished unjustly, got angry, spoke unkind words, neglected needs, or acted in pride. They should even try to think back to the beginning, to the very youngest ages. Bitterness toward parents can begin very early in a child’s heart.  Parents should also list what they should have done differently, if they know.

• Then parents should arrange a talk with each of their kids, probably one on one.  We would suggest some time in prayer and fasting first. Maybe even a lengthy fast of one to three days. When this difficult talk occurs, parents must be utterly humble. They should ask forgiveness for ways they have failed as parents, absorb ALL the blame, and express true repentance. When expressing repentance, it is important for parents to be able to explain what their offense was, how it hurt their kids, and even how their kids must have felt. If parents are not able to express this, their kids will not believe that their parents truly understand.

• This is a hard assignment for both the parents and their children. Healing offenses takes courage, but mostly humility. Parents must listen and not be defensive. They should not give any explanation to justify themselves. They should simply acknowledge that they were wrong. And they should not expect any immediate response from their kids because forgiveness is just as hard as repentance and can take time to process.

This is not meant to be a formula, but an example of how humility may look in this situation. Great humility is the key!

Frequently, when we are asked for counsel in a situation like this, we find (or at least it’s our strong opinion) that the parents have been too strict. Not necessarily harsh, just strict. Too many rules. Too much oversight. Micromanagers.  (Of course, parents must protect and apply some limitations, but it should be done in a way that children understand and that focuses on the heart, not just the external actions.) When parents are their kids’ allies and best friends, the kids are willing to cooperate and agree that parents know best. But when the parents try to control through rules, the kids feel forced and become resentful.

Actually, it’s a little more complicated than that. Usually, one of the problems is that the parents don’t trust the kids, and that is the reason for all the rules. But it’s even deeper than that. Often the reason the kids aren’t trustworthy is because they have no desire to please their parents. And it gets deeper still. The reason they don’t desire to please the parents is often because they can’t. That is, the parents are never pleased (or at least the kids don’t feel that their parents are pleased). The parents seldom praise, but rather scrutinize everything. It’s difficult for the kids to be successful, so they stop trying. They soon see their parents as foes instead of friends.

All this usually starts at the youngest ages. Parenting requires gentle, loving teaching. As much as possible, parents need to see everything their kids do as wonderful. When the child misbehaves, the parents need to learn to see the various factors affecting the behavior – tiredness, pain, disappointment, etc. This will help the parents to be compassionate. Parents need to be an ally taking the child’s side. It’s human nature to like those who like you. This will be true for children as well. Of course, parents love their children, but children need to know that their parents really like them too. Parents must be their kids’ best friends and praise them as much as they can. Pleasing one’s parents is success for a child. Praise gives them this success.

Malachi 4:6 is a familiar verse about fathers and children. “And He will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers.”  Something about this verse that strikes us as significant is the order. First, the hearts of the fathers are turned to the children. Then, mentioned second (and I wonder if that means as a response), the hearts of the children are turned to the fathers. Whether that is the primary intended meaning of the verse or not, it nevertheless seems to us to be a true principle.

The buck stops with us as parents. We must assume responsibility. When we fail, we must be utterly humble. Meditate on how Christ has given you grace and modeled humility. Ask for God’s forgiveness and a fresh appreciation of grace in Christ!

“God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (Jas. 4:6).

The most important thing we can do for our struggling children is to pray! The Prodigal Prayer Guide, written by parents of prodigals and former prodigals, is a resource we recommend to help your prayers be rooted in God’s Word. Remember, there is always hope! “With God all things are possible” (Matt. 19:26).

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Jesus reprimanded the disciples who criticized Mary when she anointed Him shortly before the crucifixion, because they said that this expensive ointment could have been sold and given to the poor. He said, “Ye have the poor with you always, but Me ye have not always” (Mark 14:3-7).

There is a principle in this. There are other things we “have not always.”  I don’t want to avoid the main teaching of this verse which is our dedication to the Lord Jesus Christ. But I think it is helpful to encourage parents to apply this same principle to their children. Them we “have not always.” They grow up!

I need to point out that the important factor isn’t that we as parents no longer have the joy of these little ones running around our feet. That’s true, but not the main issue. The main concern is to teach, nurture, and invest during these young “run around our feet” years. Now is the time to invest, because “them we have not always.”

How should we invest in our children? I asked my wife this question and she rattled off this list faster than I could type.

• Incorporate them in everything you do and explain why and how you are doing it. In this way they learn how you think and why.
• Encourage them as often as you can. Be generous with your praise, letting them know how great they are doing. They need to know that you think they are the best kids in the world.
• As parents, talk highly about your kids to each other in their hearing. It’s important for them to know that their parents are pleased with them.
• Have a daily routine of being in God’s Word together as a family.
• Talk about God’s Word as part of your daily life. Share with them the things God is teaching you and how He has answered prayers.
• Be a good listener. Parents need to know what their kids are thinking and how they feel. Ask questions and listen. Explain but don’t lecture.
• Enjoy being with them. Consider them as your best friends and realize they need you as their best friend.
• Help them to develop their own convictions by explaining why your family makes specific decisions. Help them learn to discern between good and evil, and to see the consequences of sin or worldliness. This is one of the best ways to protect.
• Be willing to be humble and ask forgiveness when there is misunderstanding or friction, even if it is mostly the kid’s fault. It’s good when parents can absorb as much blame as possible. Parents must be the ones to show maturity.
• Remind them that the ultimate goal is to please God. Pray that they will be motivated, not by rules, but by a desire to please you and their Heavenly Father.
• If there is a problem between your child and someone else, take your child’s side as much as possible. You need to be their ally not their foe.
• Look for ways to expose them to godly influences through friendships, books, conferences, and hospitality.
• Let them see that your priority is to serve the Lord, and plan ministry things you can do together.

I’m sure each of you could add many more ideas to this list. Investing in our children takes time, intentionality, and much prayer. May the Lord give you wisdom and grace as you raise up the little ones in your care, making the most of each day because they grow up fast.

“Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children” (Deut. 4:9).

 

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Thirty-six years ago my mom told me some shockingly wonderful news. She was expecting a baby! We had prayed for this baby for as long as I had remembered … but let me back up.

When my parents got married, they postponed having children for six years. My dad felt children would be a hindrance to his ministry … but he realizes now he was just scared and felt unprepared to be a father. After I was born, he had a change of heart. He realized that the Bible says children are a blessing from the Lord, and he was convicted for not believing this truth. He and my mom were excited to have many more children.

But then after a miscarriage and infertility, my parents were told they would never be able to have more children. They were heartbroken. My dad took it especially hard. He had postponed children for all of those years, and now it was too late. It wasn’t simply sadness, it was regret and repentance for not trusting God.

God provided Stephen, whom we adopted from Korea, and that’s another special story. Stephen has been a wonderful blessing to our family! But we never stopped praying for a miracle baby. In fact, my dad prayed something specific: “Lord, we don’t deserve another child. But if you give us grace, we will name her Grace.”

Just a few months later Mom told us the news about the baby on the way! Dad said, “It’s going to be a girl because you can’t name a boy ‘Grace’!”

In November of 1988 we were waiting and waiting for the baby to be born. Our doctor said, “I’m going out of town. I think we should induce labor so that the baby can be born before I leave.”

My parents agreed, but then my dad changed his mind. “This is a miracle baby. Let’s wait for God’s timing. Maybe the baby will be born on Thanksgiving Day!”

So my parents decided not to induce. It turned out that as soon as our doctor arrived back in town, my mom went into labor. Baby Grace was born on the Sunday before Thanksgiving.

The timing was very significant to my dad. He said, “Instead of bringing the baby on Thanksgiving, God brought her on the Sunday before Thanksgiving—the Lord’s day!”

This day has been a significant date for our family. In fact, instead of celebrating Grace’s birthday on November 20 (the actual date), we would celebrate it on the Sunday before Thanksgiving.

Many of you have probably heard this story before. But now there is an update to the story.

Grace has a beautiful, brand new baby! His name is Moses Harold, named after Josiah’s favorite Bible character (Moses) and our dad (Harold).

Here is the amazing part: little Moses was born on the Sunday before Thanksgiving!

This little boy, named after his grandfather, was born on the very day that holds special significance to his grandfather! It’s a day that reminds us all to trust God’s timing and God’s power!

Moses is a wonderful Christmas gift to our family this year! His birth is a reminder of another baby Boy, born at God’s perfect time, to save us all from sin. May each of us worship Him this Christmas season.

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