Grace Notes – Tomorrow's Forefathers, Inc.

Testify is Expanding! (By Grace Moffitt)

March 9, 2026March 9, 2026 Sarah MallyLeave a comment

One evening Josiah and I were discussing the idea of expanding Testify to other states besides Iowa.

As I thought about it, I told him, “If Testify is going to expand, I think it will be because God’s miraculous hand puts the pieces together.” (That’s what happened ten years ago when the Testify ministry began.)

Shortly after that comment, we received an email from our friend Jon: “Would you consider running a Testify at the Kansas State Fair this year?”

Hmm … is this the first piece coming together? we wondered.

“Yes we would,” Josiah wrote back. We had already been praying about expanding Testify to new areas.

The following day, Josiah and I were chatting in our kitchen, and an idea came into Josiah’s mind. “Where is Kansas Bible Camp?” he asked me.

“I don’t know,” I replied.

This is a camp we are both familiar with that is affiliated with our church circles. We knew it was in Kansas, but we didn’t know where. Josiah looked it up.

“It’s in Hutchinson! 13 minutes from the Kansas State Fairgrounds!” Josiah said in surprise.

We were amazed. If we could use that camp, we could replicate the original Iowa Testify which is held at a small camp 10 minutes from the Iowa State Fairgrounds. Is a second piece falling into place? If you’ve been to Testify, you know the logistical hurdles and how significant it is to have a camp for lodging close to the fairgrounds!

We called our friends who run the camp and, not only was the camp available on those dates, but they were excited about this evangelism training opportunity and enthusiastically on board.

Wow, the pieces really seemed to be coming together!

At the same time, we were making contacts in Minnesota. That’s a different story, but we have seen the Lord work in bringing details together for four Testify camps this summer! We’ll have two in Iowa, one in Kansas, and one in Minnesota.

We don’t know what the Lord is going to do, but seeing His answers to prayer and His provision reminds us that He is “up to something”! He has plans. We are excited to see how it all unfolds.

I have seen over and over that believers desire to share their faith with neighbors, coworkers, and strangers, but they often struggle to get those conversations started. Testify equips people to initiate natural conversations about eternal matters and then communicate the gospel with clarity.
It is a great joy to see people leave Testify infused with new courage and enthusiasm about witnessing. This courage is created not simply from classroom teaching but from getting real-life practice at the fair and seeing God work! Nothing is more exciting.

You can find more information about the camps here. Please keep this ministry in your prayers and share about the camps with anyone you know who may be interested!

Uncategorized

The Just Men Group (by Harold Mally)

February 23, 2026 Sarah Mally

As many of you know, last spring God brought some guys to our door looking for a high school guys Bible study. Amazingly, I had been praying for this very thing! (You can read that story here in our April newsletter.) Since the beginning of March we have met every Monday night, reading and discussing a passage of the Bible, eating pizza, and talking about “guy stuff” such as dating, lust, family, work, school, struggles, and goals. We call the group “Just Men,” which, of course, has a double meaning.

The group has continued to go well. The guys are serious and ministry minded and want to see growth in other men.

• Kaleb came to Christ only last February but comes consistently to our group. He is a senior in high school, and though new in the faith, he started a Friday morning Bible study in his school cafeteria. His group met consistently the entire fall semester with both believers and unbelievers.

• Samuel graduated in May and is now a freshmen in college. He is helping to start a Bible study at Iowa State. His goal is accountability among believers and to bring in students who do not know Jesus.

• Nolan also graduated in May but still lives in town and is a freshman at our local community college. Last month he gave an apologetic presentation for a speech class on “Why believe in Jesus.” He practiced his talk for the Just Men group and had prepared a lot of excellent content. We were all praying for his witness to his class since there is only one other Christian he knows of in it.

• Chad wants to live his life for what counts and would love to go into full time ministry. He is praying about his future.

• All the guys are serious about the group and its purpose and want to grow in Christ.

This summer the guys came up with the idea of making Just Men t-shirts. We all developed and revised the design together. We used Romans 5 as our main Biblical reference because in it we find a clear statement of how we are justified; by faith (verse 1) and by the blood of Christ (verse 9). And the rest of the chapter is a rich passage on our salvation. We also have gospel tracts we made to give out when people ask about our shirts.

You can download a copy of the tract here.

I share this story about Just Men to encourage you that many young men are eager to be serious about Christ and act with commitment. I also want to challenge you that small group Bible studies are one of the simplest, most-effective forms of ministry. Even a brand new believer (like Kaleb) can lead one. Many people who are not comfortable coming to church will come to a home Bible study or meet one-on-one to read and talk. The leader grows as he teaches others. Individuals learn how to study the Bible by themselves when someone else gets them started. Also, when a group forms there is accountability and fellowship which is a stronger influence than many realize. Our guys text each other regularly with prayer requests and words of encouragement.

Grace has a one-one-one Bible study with a neighbor. She says she always learns something new by leading a study with someone else.
Have you considered starting a one-on-one or small group Bible study with a group of men, or women, or children, or youth? If not, perhaps it is something to pray about for 2026.

Bright Lights Conferences

Seeking Christ Online Conference (By Sarah Hancock)

December 9, 2025December 9, 2025 Sarah Mally

It was an answer to prayer that we were able to offer the Seeking Christ Conference online! We are thankful to the team of guys who volunteered their time to record the videos, and to Stephen and Nickie for all their hours editing them. We are also thankful to those who helped prepare and ship out all the materials.

It was wonderful to have ladies from 11 countries join (Australia, Burundi, Cambodia, Canada, Costa Rica, Germany, Ghana, Indonesia, New Zealand, Panama, and the USA)! May these young ladies see that Jesus alone is worth seeking after and choose to follow Him whatever the cost.

Here are some of the responses we received:

“The girls enjoyed each one of the sessions! I was so amazed how much each one was eagerly participating!”
“We loved each of the skits! They enhanced the teachings so very much!”
“My favorite part was getting to participate in the live Zoom session with Sarah and Grace!”
“I was able to talk to my mother about things I greatly struggle with, and I have been most helped and encouraged by her advice, and by no longer hiding it in my heart.”
“I recommitted myself to the Lord as a result of the conference.”
“I really enjoyed the skit about the mountain climb and its relevance to struggles in our lives.”
“[It] gave us uninterrupted time together to focus on things that matter.”
“The girls expressed that the skit about the media and the girls on their phone spoke to them greatly, because that is exactly what happens to them: comparison, discouragement, believing lies, etc.”
“Love the scriptures and the practical steps to help us grow in our relationship with the Lord.”

We put a lot of thought, prayer, and practice into the skits at the Bright Lights conferences, and we love seeing moms and daughters enjoying them together!

Grace and I enjoyed connecting with the moms and daughters during the Q & A session. The girls asked some great questions:

How do I know if my faith is enough (to get to heaven)?
What suggestions do you have for reading the Bible consistently?
What Christian biographies do you recommend?
As a single woman, how do I pursue a career to support myself and not lose sight of undivided attention to Christ?
How can I encourage my younger siblings?

We praise the Lord that He is raising up young ladies who love Him and want to shine their light for Him in this dark world!

Bright Lights Local Group/Newsletter/Witnessing Stories

My Prayer Target (by Sarah Hancock)

November 14, 2025November 14, 2025 Sarah Mally

When I was growing up, there was an elderly couple who lived next door to us. Sometimes they would babysit their granddaughter, Karen, who was about my age. I liked it when she visited her grandparents because she was a kind friend and a lot of fun to play with. We would climb trees, and play games. I don’t remember ever sharing the gospel with her, but she knew I was a Christian, and I made a few spiritual comments to her when we were kids. After we entered our teen years, Karen and I didn’t see each other much anymore.

When I was about 18, I decided to choose a person to specifically pray for when I was distracted by something (such as when I was thinking too much about a guy, growing discontent, or wasting my time daydreaming). I decided to choose Karen, my childhood friend. I called her my “prayer target.” 🙂

I began to pray regularly for Karen’s salvation. When my mind started to dwell on something I didn’t want to focus on, I would choose to pray for her instead.

Years went by, and I didn’t see her or hear from her. I eventually moved on to other prayer requests. Then one day when I was in my twenties, my mom told me that she had run into Karen and that she had become a Christian!

When Karen was in college, some Christian friends invited her to a Bible study where she encountered true believers who really loved Jesus. She understood the gospel for the first time, and she trusted in the Lord as her Savior. She began going regularly to a Bible believing church, married a Christian man, and had two children whom she decided to homeschool. When Karen’s daughter, Katelynn, turned 10, she started coming to my Bright Lights group, and it’s been a blessing to watch her grow in the Lord as well.

I’m so thankful the Lord led me to pray for Karen, and gave me the privilege of being a part of her story! It encourages me to keep praying even when I don’t see results.

The truth is that we often don’t get to see results to our prayers in this lifetime. Prayer takes time and energy. It’s a spiritual battle. It’s hard. It requires faith. We all need encouragement to persevere in prayer. I hope this story provides some extra encouragement to you today. God is working in the world today, but the battle is raging. Perhaps you also would want to choose one person as a specific prayer target for the upcoming year. May we as God’s people pray, pray, pray!

Here’s a picture of Katelynn, Karen, and me. 🙂

Newsletter

When Our Neighbor Encountered the Gospel of John (by Harold Mally)

October 16, 2025 Grace Mally

Zoey’s has the best pizza in town! And it happens to be right next to the Bright Lights office. Whenever I want to explain where our office is to anyone in the area, I just say, “It’s right next to Zoey’s Pizza,” because everyone knows where that is!

The owner of Zoey’s is a man named Denny, whom I would see occasionally in the parking lot or on the sidewalk. We would greet each other and talk briefly but only on an acquaintance basis.

One day when we were both outside, we began discussing our mutual building needs. Then he asked me an interesting question: “In your bookstore, do you have a book on how to read the Bible?” (At our office we also have a small Christian bookstore called Noah’s Archive Christian Books.)

“Yes, I’m sure we do,” I replied. “You should stop in sometime.”

Denny said he would, but several weeks went by, and he never came in.

Then one day I saw him in the back parking lot and thought, This is my chance.

“Hey, Denny, how ya doin’?” I said. “Remember a couple weeks ago you were looking for a book on how to read the Bible?”

“Yeah, do you have one?” he responded with some enthusiasm in his voice.

“Yes, it’s called the Bible!” I said.

He laughed.

Then I asked, “How would you like to meet for coffee for a couple of weeks and we can read a little together, and I’ll get you started?”

Later, he told me that he was nervous and wanted to say no. But what came out of his mouth was: “Sure, I can do that.”

We met at Noah’s Archive a day or two later. I asked how much of the Bible he knew. He said he knew nothing.

That first morning we read John 1:1-14. We simply read the passage, and I explained anything I thought he wouldn’t understand. For example, who is the Word in verse 1? Who is John in verse 6? What does it mean to become a son of God in verse 12? What does it mean that the Word became flesh in verse 14? I didn’t preach to him. I let the book of John do the teaching.

Denny was fascinated. He came every week. He started reading Genesis on his own with the goal of reading through the whole Bible cover to cover. After about six months I asked what he thought about it all. He was enjoying all he was learning, but he said he didn’t want to commit to being a Christian. “If I become a Christian, I don’t want to be a hypocritical one, I want to be a real one,” he said.

A few more months went by, and we continued to read together each week. Then one morning he said to me, “I need to get saved!” So we talked through the gospel again and he prayed for forgiveness and eternal life. Praise the Lord!

It wasn’t long before Denny had finished reading the whole Bible. We’re still reading together, and he has become a great friend of our family. (See our picture below).

God’s Word is powerful. It changes lives. When you read the Bible with someone, the Bible does the preaching. The Bible leads people to salvation. In fact, I believe that home Bible studies are the most effective form of evangelism.

And though all of the Bible is important and powerful, I personally like to start in the Gospel of John. It introduces people quickly to the person of Christ—His identity, and His work. Also, it requires bringing some Old Testament passages into the study in order to explain some of the content in John, and this helps the new reader see how the whole Bible is woven together. By reading the Bible together the new reader begins to see that it truly is the Word of God.

I interviewed Denny during a sermon I gave last year. If you would like to hear his version of this story, you can watch it here.

I encourage you to pray that the Lord would bring someone into your path whom you could read the gospel of John with. And when the opportunity arises, be bold and ask them!

This article was written in our newsletter. You can sign up for the monthly newsletters here

Newsletter

From Agnostic to Open Heart (by Grace Moffitt)

September 1, 2025 Grace Mally

Taylor, a young father, attended Testify camp for the first time. While witnessing to a man at the gospel booth at the Iowa State Fair, Taylor reviewed two of the Ten Commandments, establishing conviction of sin.
Then Taylor asked, “So, do you know what God did for you so you don’t have to go to Hell, but can spend eternity in Heaven?”
“He sent Jesus to die,” the man replied, a bit flippantly, as if that was common knowledge.
“But how does that work? How can that save you?” Taylor probed.
The man looked at Taylor with great interest.
Tayler later recalled excitedly, “I’ve never seen anyone look at somebody like that. It was this intense look of ‘tell me’!”
Taylor joyfully explained the Great Exchange — how our sins were put on Christ so His righteousness could be put on us. The man thanked Taylor warmly! What a joy it was for Taylor to see God use him that evening, even though sharing the gospel in this context was new for him.

A highlight for me at each camp is hearing the encounters people describe when they come back from the fair each night. So many stories have the mark of divine intervention: the loving hand of God arranging circumstances and using all kinds of ways to open doors and soften hearts.

For example, one conversation began because of an acrobat named James performing gymnastic tricks. James’ audience had dwindled, but Chris and his 14-year-old son Noah (who were walking around looking for opportunities for gospel conversations) were watching and cheering. Then James told them, “Here, I’ll do one more for you—it’s called the ‘Jesus flip.’”
Chris’s jaw may not have visibly dropped, but he knew, There’s our open door!
After the cool flip that resembled Jesus with outspread arms, they chatted with James about Jesus.
“Do you know why Jesus died on the cross?” they asked him.
“No, I don’t,” he replied, “why did He die?”
They learned that James was an agnostic.
“How did you become an agnostic?” they asked.
As they talked with James, he became more and more interested.
“I really need to think about this and study what you gave me,” he said, promising to read the gospel of John.
At the beginning of the talk he was an agnostic, but at the end of the talk, he seemed close to salvation!
James thanked them at least 10 times for the talk!
And Chris said he felt it was the most sovereignly-orchestrated conversation of his life!

We live in a generation where many are Biblically illiterate. We don’t expect most of them to repent and put their faith in Christ right there on the spot (they simply are not ready), but we do expect the Lord to use us to plant seeds, put “pebbles in their shoe,” and push them a bit closer to saving faith. We also know that often these unbelievers have someone else who is a Christian that God is using already in their life. Dorian is an example of this:

Tony and Richard met Dorian one day at the fair.
“Your name is Dorian? No way!” Tony told him enthusiastically, “I wanted to name my son Dorian because of the amazing meaning it has in the Bible!”
This got Dorian’s attention!
“Dorian is the Greek word for gift,” Tony explained. “Here, let me show you some of the Scriptures.”
Tony had him read Ephesians 2:8-9 and many other Scriptures with his name, showing Dorian the wonderful news that God’s gift of salvation is unconditionally FREE.

Then guess what Dorian said?
“Just two weeks ago I met a new friend who is a Christian. He invited me to church and talked to me about this too.”
“Well, do you think that is by accident? It sounds like God is reaching out to you.” Tony said, “Out of the thousands of people at the fair today, I believe the Lord led us to you!”

Seeing God’s hand is a thrill. It may take perseverance—not all people are receptive, but those jewel conversations are worth digging for!

And whether we chat with a hardened atheist, a curious unbeliever, or a soundly saved Christian, God uses every encounter.

One of our Testify campers named Dave shared about an interesting response he received from a Christian at the fair. The Christian said, “Out of my 58 years on earth, you are the first person to bring the gospel to me, and I commend you for that.”

While that was an encouraging encounter, it is also a sad reminder. It reveals a sorrowful reality in our land—that many Christ-followers have taken their eyes off Jesus’ command: “Look at the fields—they are ripe for harvest!”

May the Lord realign our priorities, and may our love for HIM produce a greater love for those for whom He died.

This article was written in our newsletter. You can sign up for the monthly newsletters here

Bright Lights Conferences

Abound Still More 2025

July 28, 2025 Grace Mally

Our Abound Still More women’s conference at the Ark Encounter in Kentucky went so well!

We had an amazing team of women who helped as leaders. They served so joyfully as they helped plan, prepare, and serve the ladies at the conference. They led music, shared testimonies, led small group discussions, decorated, set up the book table… you name it! They were a huge blessing to everyone!

Sarah and Andrew spoke together for two of the sessions. They talked about the joys and complexities of being single in today’s society and church. They shared encouragements and stories from their lives when they were single. They also talked about singleness in the storyline of Scripture and the positive crescendo we see in God’s plan.

The women were a very attentive audience and were truly there to learn and grow. Here are a few comments we received:

“I was feeling impatient and irritated by my singleness right before the conference, lol. Through this conference, the Lord helped me to see my singleness as a gift and opportunity – from Him. I appreciate singleness much more and actually went home excited about it! I was also struggling with a particular temptation in my life, and Nickie’s talk was really helpful for me. It was what I needed to hear. :)”

“The session on abounding in Christ was amazing, the stories of discipleship that were shared were incredible, the tips on prayer life was great! I loved it all!”

“It was an amazing blessing to my sister and me. We made some great friends, and … He gave us such good discussions that really uplifted and encouraged us.”

“I am already implementing changes! It was also so encouraging to be in a room full of other single ladies some of them even older than I am! It reassures me that my standards are not too high, there’s not something wrong with me, I don’t need to try harder…we are all just holding out for the one God has for us if he even has marriage for us at all!”

Newsletter

Caitlin Clark (By Sarah Hancock)

May 26, 2025 Grace Mally

What do you want more than anything else in the world?

A young girl named Caitlin Clark, in Des Moines, Iowa, had a dream. She wanted to be a star basketball player. She practiced and practiced and practiced. Eventually, she came to the University of Iowa to play for the Hawkeyes where my brother, Stephen, is a photographer.

Soon Caitlin was the top player for the Hawkeyes, and they started winning lots of games. Then she started breaking records … and more records. Caitlin became one of the most popular players in all the sports world. All of her games were sold out. Even now that she has graduated and is playing professionally, her games continue to be packed out.

Stephen enjoyed covering Caitlin during her four years at the University of Iowa. He was able to get us free tickets, and Andrew and I went to several of her games. It’s really fun to watch her play. She electrifies the crowd. Thousands of young girls have become excited about basketball. They line up for her autograph and hold up signs saying, “I want to be like Caitlin!”

Basketball is fun. You can also learn much character and endurance from sports. You learn to work hard and be self-disciplined.

The Bible says something similar in 1 Timothy 4:8. It says, “For physical training is of some value … ”

But now read the rest of the verse: “ … but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.”

In other words, there is nothing wrong with sports, but there is something far more important. Sports only benefit you in this life, but godliness will benefit you for eternity.

As I was at one of the games watching all those little girls with their signs, I was thinking, “Wouldn’t it be amazing to have that many girls more excited about following the Lord than about basketball?”

What if all those young girls had signs, “I want to be like Jesus!”?

Think of what God could do through a generation of young women with that kind of excitement about seeking Christ! That’s what I’m praying for the upcoming Seeking Christ conference. I’m praying that hundreds of girls gain an electrifying passion to pursue Jesus.

Again, I ask, “What do you want more than anything else in the world?”

It’s a very important question because what our heart most deeply desires is what we will spend our life seeking after. May it be our all-consuming passion to know Christ more. May we each be like the apostle Paul who said, “Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord” (Phil. 3:8).

(Photo credits: Stephen Mally)

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Newsletter

High School Guys with Zeal for God (By Harold Mally)

April 26, 2025 Grace Mally

“I think someone is at the door,” Nickie said.

The door was locked because our bookstore wasn’t open, but I ran and opened it for the man standing there. I invited him in and he began looking around. He was middle-aged, and said his name was Tim.

Then two young guys, who were friends of Tim, also knocked on the door. When I realized they went to a nearby high school, this immediately grabbed my attention.

“Are you guys Christians?” I asked.

“Yes,” they both replied enthusiastically.

“Are there other Christians at your school?”

“Yes.”

“We’ve been wanting to start a group for guys,” Tim inserted, “but I’m new at this, I’m still learning myself, so I know I’m not the one to lead it.”

“Well,” I said, “I’ve actually been praying about starting a Bible study for high school guys. But the problem is I don’t know any guys to invite.”

“Oh, we can invite the guys if you can lead the study!” they said.

“And I’ll provide pizza,” I replied.

With excitement Tim asked, “So you’re saying that you’ve been praying about starting a Bible study with high school guys, and we just ‘happened’ to walk in the door wanting to start a group for high school guys? This is crazy!”

The truth is I had been praying specifically about this since last summer—praying in particular about high school guys. They are young and have a lot to learn, and nothing is more interesting than the Word of God. My idea was to have a Bible study each week after school here at Noah’s Archive (the Bright Lights office bookstore) and also provide pizza. But I didn’t have the time or contacts to make it happen. So I just prayed. I wasn’t sure it was a prayer God would answer. I am behind on everything else God has given me to do, so why would He give me more? But I prayed anyway because our world needs strong, godly men.

And now here were three guys who randomly walked in our bookstore wanting to start a Bible study for high school guys! Tim was so excited about what God was doing that tears were streaming down his face. We all instantly understood that God had just miraculously arranged what we were all independently praying for.

“Let’s all keep praying about it and see what God does!” I said.

What God has done has been truly awesome. We’ve been meeting on Monday nights, and we call our group “Just Men.” The guys specified that it should be short and sweet, only one hour from 6:00 to 7:00. They also specified that after we read the Bible, they wanted to discuss other “guy things” like dating.

The first week we had five guys and me and Tim. The group has been growing and now (seven weeks later), if everyone came, we would have 20 guys and eat seven pizzas. 🙂 Some are believers and some are not. We have finished 2 Timothy, and now we’re in John chapter 3. We’ve had great discussions about dating, lust, anger, repentance, and forgiveness. They decided that an hour wasn’t enough and asked if we could go until 7:30.

I am very encouraged by the spiritual interest and hunger of these young men! They say that Monday is their favorite night of the week.

I don’t know what God is going to do with this group or where it is leading, but all the guys are excited about it and want to make it grow. They are a zealous bunch of Just Men.

This article was written in our newsletter. You can sign up for the monthly newsletters here

Newsletter

Rebuilding Relationships with Children (By Harold and Rebekah Mally)

March 27, 2025 Grace Mally

Recently, we received a question from a mother who has a strained relationship with her adult children. She asked: “Any thoughts on how to build bridges, when older children really don’t want to have anything to do with us?”

We have received similar questions from other families over the years. We thought we’d share our thoughts for this mom as our newsletter article this month because we believe there are certain parenting mistakes that can be avoided, making estranged children much less likely.

Rebuilding relationships takes much prayer and humility. Often bitterness has taken root, and only the Lord can bring healing. We would encourage parents to humbly seek the Lord and ask Him to show them any specific ways they have hurt or failed their children, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

We would suggest that parents prayerfully make a list of every offense they can remember – everything they did wrong and each specific event or situation. It could be times they were too harsh, punished unjustly, got angry, spoke unkind words, neglected needs, or acted in pride. They should even try to think back to the beginning, to the very youngest ages. Bitterness toward parents can begin very early in a child’s heart. Parents should also list what they should have done differently, if they know.

Then parents should arrange a talk with each of their kids, probably one on one. We would suggest some time in prayer and fasting first. Maybe even a lengthy fast of one to three days. When this difficult talk occurs, parents must be utterly humble. They should ask forgiveness for ways they have failed as parents, absorb ALL the blame, and express true repentance. When expressing repentance, it is important for parents to be able to explain what their offense was, how it hurt their kids, and even how their kids must have felt. If parents are not able to express this, their kids will not believe that their parents truly understand.

This is a hard assignment for both the parents and their children. Healing offenses takes courage, but mostly humility. Parents must listen and not be defensive. They should not give any explanation to justify themselves. They should simply acknowledge that they were wrong. And they should not expect any immediate response from their kids because forgiveness is just as hard as repentance and can take time to process.

This is not meant to be a formula, but an example of how humility may look in this situation. Great humility is the key!

Frequently, when we are asked for counsel in a situation like this, we find (or at least it’s our strong opinion) that the parents have been too strict. Not necessarily harsh, just strict. Too many rules. Too much oversight. Micromanagers. (Of course, parents must protect and apply some limitations, but it should be done in a way that children understand and that focuses on the heart, not just the external actions.) When parents are their kids’ allies and best friends, the kids are willing to cooperate and agree that parents know best. But when the parents try to control through rules, the kids feel forced and become resentful.

Actually, it’s a little more complicated than that. Usually, one of the problems is that the parents don’t trust the kids, and that is the reason for all the rules. But it’s even deeper than that. Often the reason the kids aren’t trustworthy is because they have no desire to please their parents. And it gets deeper still. The reason they don’t desire to please the parents is often because they can’t. That is, the parents are never pleased (or at least the kids don’t feel that their parents are pleased). The parents seldom praise, but rather scrutinize everything. It’s difficult for the kids to be successful, so they stop trying. They soon see their parents as foes instead of friends.

All this usually starts at the youngest ages. Parenting requires gentle, loving teaching. As much as possible, parents need to see everything their kids do as wonderful. When the child misbehaves, the parents need to learn to see the various factors affecting the behavior – tiredness, pain, disappointment, etc. This will help the parents to be compassionate. Parents need to be an ally taking the child’s side. It’s human nature to like those who like you. This will be true for children as well. Of course, parents love their children, but children need to know that their parents really like them too. Parents must be their kids’ best friends and praise them as much as they can. Pleasing one’s parents is success for a child. Praise gives them this success.

Malachi 4:6 is a familiar verse about fathers and children. “And He will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers.” Something about this verse that strikes us as significant is the order. First, the hearts of the fathers are turned to the children. Then, mentioned second (and I wonder if that means as a response), the hearts of the children are turned to the fathers. Whether that is the primary intended meaning of the verse or not, it nevertheless seems to us to be a true principle.

The buck stops with us as parents. We must assume responsibility. When we fail, we must be utterly humble. Meditate on how Christ has given you grace and modeled humility. Ask for God’s forgiveness and a fresh appreciation of grace in Christ!

“God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (Jas. 4:6).

The most important thing we can do for our struggling children is to pray! The Prodigal Prayer Guide, written by parents of prodigals and former prodigals, is a resource we recommend to help your prayers be rooted in God’s Word. Remember, there is always hope! “With God all things are possible” (Matt. 19:26).

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